I’ve been quiet.
It’s my indecision.
And the sheer fucking magnitude of time it takes to find a job.
See, job hunting is basically a full-time job. Which makes it really hard to do if you already have a job that takes up so much of your time. I only work part-time and I still have a hell of a time job hunting. It takes hours to find jobs worth applying for… reading descriptions, reading them again, trying to decide if they’re worth the time. If not, you’ve just wasted 10 minutes. If they are, it’s going to take another 60-90 minutes to apply. Because every job needs its own customized cover letter. And then you have to submit your resume. And then you have to fill out an online application that asks for *literally* all the same info that’s on your resume. Sometimes there are aptitude tests and writing samples and qualifying questions so that after you’ve done all that, there is a good chance you’ll be weeded out and no hiring manager will ever see all the work you did. Because if you don’t have the exact 5 years of experience in the specific thing that they require, forget it. May as well ignore all the experience and expertise and enthusiasm that you do have. Do you have the specific degree they are looking for? Is it from an impressive school? If not, you may as well turn around right now…
Can you tell I’m completely jaded on the whole process? And what kills me the most is that almost every job I want is something I know I would do amazing at. But I never hear back from 95% of employers… not even a form rejection letter. Nada.
So I spend another several hours combing through job postings, half of which are the same ones I’ve been skipping over for the last month. I’ll be damned if I busted my ass getting a degree so I can keep answering phones and scheduling appointments. The whole process is so utterly frustrating and infuriating that some days I just don’t think I can do it anymore…
And yet, I press on. Because the thought of another year at my mind-numbing day job is enough to make me Google “tallest building in Connecticut,” and use satellite imagery to scope out roof access.
I knew this would be tough, but this summer just keeps slipping by and I keep working long hours at the most mundane job ever and I feel my life just fading away. Then the weekend comes and I feel like maybe, just maybe, I can live again.
Then comes Monday and the process begins again. I’m not gonna lie, I’m completely burned out. I don’t know how to keep going, but I know that I must.
I’m being dramatic I know, but I’m a Leo and it’s Leo season and Mercury is in retrograde and I’m exhausted all the time.
So cross your fingers for me that something better is just over the horizon. I need it.